Why Positive Affirmations Create Suffering & What to Do Instead

Why Positive Affirmations Create Suffering & What to Do Instead

Your thoughts shape your reality.

Creating the perfect you is easy: repeat in your head who you want to be and what you wanna get several times per day. You'll be who you want, and you'll get what you want.

For example, if I wanna make 20K per month, just set in your mind this concept by repeating something like, "I earn 20K per month easily. I'm proud of myself because I can sustain my family, and I have much more time to spend with them", and boom! 

You'll earn 20K per month faster and easily.

The principle of this theory is that the same thought runs through your mind as a loop creating a rut that shapes your mind and reality, attracting whatever you want.

Change your thoughts, and you change your reality.

 

Is that right?

 

So two years ago, I started to work with positive affirmations about abundance, following the precise instructions found in one of the most popular&best seller books about business and finances.

I practiced a specific affirmation for a few months, and guess what? Nothing changed in my bank account! 

However, several things changed. My self-esteem and level of gratitude went down and down, while anxiety went on and on.

So I decided to quit the practice. 

I thought that I didn't achieve my goal because I was bad on something. 

Maybe the formula was wrong, or I was not able to think well (while other people did)...and so on...

 

Today I call that stage "The after-effects of positive affirmations.

It's like a hangover when after a few hours of excitement and euphoria, come sadness and listlessness.

Despite all the frustration and time that I lost, today, I'm glad I went through that process because I learned so much.

Why positive affirmation practice is not effective.

Repeating words, concepts, or values that are not rooted in you can't give any fruits. 

We can make flourish in something that is already in us or something we believe in by focusing and becoming more conscious of these concepts or values. 

That means these words, concepts, or values have to have some kind of roots in you, even if they're still small or fragile.

Trying to "force" your consciousness to believe and then take actions based on something you don't feel, can't get real and healthy fruits, here's why:

1) you're not a robot

When I ask my computer to do something for me, and I use the right codes and data, it always says yes to me. It doesn't work for humans. Why?

You're one of the most complex, mysterious, and beautiful creatures in the Universe. 

You're able to combine tangible data and feelings together to get an open view of reality. And you do it every single moment, with no effort.

Just an expression is not enough to change your authentic vision of reality. 

Instead, you need much more information to get a picture in every aspect of yourself, others, and the environment. 

 

Example: If you'll be the guest at a big conference and know you can't manage your emotions, repeating "I'm smart, I'm calm and spontaneous" doesn't help to gain more confidence and focus. That's why you experienced panic speaking in public, and you know nothing is changed in you from the last time you did that. You know this kind of situation gets out of your hand. 

These are pieces of information that you get from your body, and they're in contrast with what you're saying in front of your mirror, then you can't believe in them.

2) you're hurting your heart

When you use your mouth or your mind to say something you don't believe, your unconscious says: "The most important person in my life, myself, is lying to me! She's ashamed of me!"

This causes suffering.

We used to think that heart suffering comes only from the outside, but it's false. Lying to yourself is one of the worst wounds you can inflict on your Heart.

 

If you find yourself in this position, honor those wounds, they have so many things to teach.

They're showing that the only way to follow is loving yourself as you are. They're encouraging you to grow through tangible actions, not easy shortcuts.

To encourage the healing process of your Heart, you can wear Rose quartz, Dioptase, and Pink Kunzite or Fire Agate. 

Dioptase Statement Ring - Unique piece

€197.00

The Dioptase Ring allows you to see what do not serve you well with the eyes of compassion & forgiveness for yourself and others.

Pink Kunzite Crystal Gemstone Ring - one of a kind

€117.00

The vibrational energies of Pink Kunzite are the mirror of an open and balanced Love.

Fire Agate Gemstone Ring - One of a kind

€103.00

Wearing Fire Agate gives you the fire of clarity in the darkness of chaos and insecurity. 

3) you're not good enough

If the goal of your sentences is to be different than who you are now, it means you are not good enough. May you don't have some skills that other successful people have, or you are essentially inadequate. 

Something is broken in you (...of course, in other people, don't...), so you need to implement a new version of you instead of going deeper into attitudes and values you already have.

 

This process of thinking drains your self-esteem drastically. And this is what you have to avoid whenever you want to overcome your boundaries and push yourself out of your comfort zone to grow and expand your energy.

What to do instead:

So, if wanting to be different is a trap, which is the healthy approach to growing and progress?
What actually can we do to improve and grow? 

1) go deeper into your values

One of my favorite and most powerful ways to work on personal and spiritual growth is replacing positive affirmation with self-affirmation.

Self-Affirmation practicing shifts the focus on your authenticity instead of on "abstract models".

You overcome any challenge by using your skills, value, and attitudes as tools to reach your goal in your own way. 

Walking this way, you'll gain more confidence and self-esteem, plus everything will be easy and also fun for you because you play on your own territory by using your own compass. 

To know more about what self-affirmation is and the benefits you get from it, I strongly recommend listening to what the social psychologist and public speaker Amy Cuddy says here below. 

2) don't wait for the transformation, create it!

If you really want to change, you have to be actively open to change. 

If you want to make the best version of yourself free to flourish, you need to engage yourself to take action! 

Here's how:

• Learning new things and doing what you never did before: changing starts with action, not thoughts.

• Stop to procrastinate: if you know what you would need to get what you want, just do it.

 It will not be an overnight change, but you can do it. Most of the time, the stories that we tell ourselves are much bigger than reality. I'm sure you'll discover in yourself skills and potentials that you can't even imagine.

"what you think you become"

Buddha

This famous quote doesn't mean repeating some phrases in the mirror. Instead of letting your thought leads your actions, then you grow.

• Trust yourself instead of asking to be someone else: when I saw that something didn't work for me with the "positive affirmations technique", I shifted my approach to meditation from "ask" to "embrace". What do I mean by that?

Today during my morning ritual, I don't ask anything. 

Instead, I'm ready for everything the upcoming day has to offer. Not because I'm sure to find the perfect solution for everything but because I'm ready to be present and handle everything at my best.

This simple shifting frees me from anxiety and stress and permits me to go forward authentically, avoiding comparison and self-judgment.

3) PERFECTION is an abstract concept

Perfection is a concept, not a reality. Do you wanna live in an etheric world made of ideas and theory, or do you wanna live on this planet?

If you choose Hearth as your home, don't let the idea of perfection will stop you.

Perfection is an idea, a kind of invention if you will. 

Everything in this world has a dark and a bright side. Anything is totally good or bad.

Even when we can't see the dark side, it is still there and real. 

Everything is a process, not towards perfection, instead of towards happiness and fulfillment.

Hope it helps, especially if you're experiencing the same struggles after a positive affirmation. 

If you set your phrase formula and practice this popular technique, but nothing seems to change, I want to tell you: "You're not wrong, the formula doesn't matter, and your energy is perfectly aligned with the Universe. But your way is being yourself, not what other people want from you or pre-set package." 

If you want to grow, you need to be focused on your own values and raising them by staying consistent, learning new skills and trusting the process. 

Every transformation is a journey and what you'll meet is a mystery. However, you're a miracle generator. Never forget that.

 

All Love, 

Sincerely

Francesca

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3 comments

  • Regina: November 16, 2019

    This article was VERY helpful to me. I have been feeling stuck, and just as you stated…all the positive affirmations were giving me anxiety because I didn’t believe them. Going to my core beliefs is what I need to do. Thank you so much!

  • FRANCESCA MANCINI: October 22, 2018

    <Hi Rhiannon, I’m so glad this article was helpful for you :) Thank you so much for sharing your heart! All Love and scented vibes from Milan!

  • Rhiannon Day: October 22, 2018

    I love this article so much! Such an important distinction about affirmations. Done correctly, they can actually be harmful! I love how well you’ve explained how to do them and the added video was interesting too. Thanks for sharing!

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