Why Positive Affirmations Create Suffering & What to Do Instead

Why Positive Affirmations Create Suffering & What to Do Instead

Your thoughts shape your reality.

Creating the perfect you is easy: repeat in your head who you want to be and what you wanna get several times per day. You'll be who you want, and you'll get what you want.

For example, if I wanna make 20K per month, just setting in your mind this concept by repeating something like "I earn 20K per month easily. I'm proud of myself because I can sustain my family and I have much more time to spend with them", and boom! 
You'll earn 20K per month faster and easily.


The principle of this theory is that the same thought runs through your mind as a loop creating a rut that shapes your mind and reality attracting whatever you want.

Change your thoughts and you change your reality.

Is that right?

So two years ago I started to work with positive affirmation about abundance, following the precise instructions founded in one of the most popular&best seller books about business and finances.


I practiced that affirmation for a few months, and guess what? Nothing changed in my bank account! 

However, several things changed. My self-esteem and the level of the gratitude went down and down, while anxiety went on and on.

So I decided to quit.

I thought that I didn't achieve my goal because I was bad on something.
Maybe the formula was wrong, or I was not able to think well (while other people did)...and so on...

Today I call that stage "The after effects of positive affirmations."
It's like a hangover when after a few hours of excitement and euphoria come sadness and listlessness.

Despite all the frustration and time that I lost, today I'm glad to having experience that process because I learn so much and I wanna share everything with you now :)

Why positive affirmation practice is not effective.

Repeating words, concepts or value that are not rooted in you can't give any fruits.
We can make flourish something is already in us, or something we believe in by focusing and become more conscious about these concepts or values.


That means these words, concepts or values have to have some kind of roots in you, even if they're still small or fragile.
Trying to "force" your consciousness to believe, and then take actions based on something you don't feel, can't get real and healthy fruits, here's why:

1) you're not a robot

When I ask to my computer to do something for me, and I use the right codes and data, it always says yes to me. It doesn't work for human. Why?

You're one of the most complex, mysterious and beautiful creatures in the Universe.
You're able to combine tangible data and feelings together to get an open view on reality. And you do it every single moment, with no effort.
Just a phrase is not enough to change your authentic vision on reality.
Instead, you need much more information to get the picture in every aspect of yourself, others and environment. 


Example: If you'll be the guest at a big conference, and know you can't manage your emotions, repeating "I'm smart, I'm calm and spontaneous" doesn't help to gain more confidence and focus. That's why you experienced panic speaking in public and you know nothing is changed in you from the last time you did that. You know this kind of situations get out of your hand.
These are pieces of information that you get from your body, and they're in contrast with what you're saying in front of your mirror, then you can't believe in them.

2) you're hurting your heart

When you use your mouth or your mind to say something you don't belive, your unconscious says: "The most important person in my life, myself, is lying to me! She's ashamed of me!"

This cause suffering.

We use to think that heart suffering comes only from the outside, but it's false. Lying to yourself is one of the worst wounds you can inflict to your heart.

If you find yourself in this position, honor that wounds, they have so many things to teach.
They're showing that the only way to follow is loving yourself as you are. They're encouraging you to grow through tangible actions, not easy shortcuts.

To encouraging the healing process of your Heart you can wear Rose quartz, Dioptase and Pink Kunzite or Fire Agate. 

Dioptase Statement Ring - Unique piece


The Dioptase Ring allows you to see what do not serve you well with the eyes of compassion & forgiveness for yourself and others.

Pink Kunzite Crystal Gemstone Ring - one of a kind


The vibrational energies of Pink Kunzite are the mirror of an open and balanced Love.

Fire Agate Gemstone Ring - One of a kind


Wearing Fire Agate gives you the fire of clarity in the darkness of chaos and insecurity. 

3) you're not good enough

If the goal of your sentences is to be different, it means you are not good enough. May you don't have some skills that other successful people have or you are essentially inadequate. 


Something is broken in you (...of course, in other people don't...) so you need to implement a new version of you, instead of going deeper into attitudes and values you already have.

This process of thinking drains your self-esteem drastically. And this is exactly what you have to avoid whenever you want to overcome your boundaries and push yourself out of your comfort zone to grow and expand your energy.


Love yourself as you are doesn't mean avoid growing.

What to do instead:

So, if wanting to be different is a trap, which is the healthy approach to growing and progress?
What actually can we do to improve and grow? 

1) go deeper into your values

One of my favorite and powerful ways to work on personal and spiritual growth is replacing positive affirmation with self-affirmation.

Self-Affirmation practicing shifts the focus on your authenticity, instead of on "abstract models".

You overcome any challenge by using your skills, value, and attitudes as tools to reach your goal at your own way.
Walking this way you'll gain more confidence and self-esteem, plus everything will be easily and also fun for you because you play on your own territory by using your own compass. 


To know more about what self-affirmation is and the benefits you get from it, I strongly recommend listening what the social psychologist and public speaker Amy Cuddy says here below.
I love this video, hope you love it and inspires you as well <3

2) don't wait for the transformation, create it!

If you really wanna change, you have to be actively open to changing.
If you wanna let the best version of yourself free to flourish you need to engage yourself to take action!

Here's how:
• Learning new things and doing what you never did before: changing starts with action, not thoughts.


• Stop to procrastinate: if you know what you would need to get what you want, just do it.
It will be not an overnight changing but you can do it. Most of the time the stories that we tell us are much bigger than reality, I'm sure you'll discover in yourself skills and potentials that you can't even imagine.

"what you think you become"


This famous quote doesn't mean repeating some phrases at the mirror, instead of letting your thought leads your actions, and then your growing.


• Trust yourself, instead of asking to be someone else: when I sew that something didn't work for me with "positive affirmations technique", I shifted my approach to meditation from "ask" to "embrace". What do I mean by that?

Today during my yoga morning ritual I don't ask anything.
Instead, I'm ready for everything the upcoming day have to offer. Not because I'm sure to find the perfect solution for everything, but because I'm ready to be present and handle everything at my best.

This simple shifting frees me from anxiety, stress and gives myself the permission to go forward towards my authentic way, avoiding comparison and self-judgment.


Perfection is a concept, not a reality. Do you wanna live in an etheric world made of ideas and theory, or do you wanna live on this planet?
If you chosed Hearth as your home, don't let the idea of perfection will stop you.

Perfection is an idea, a kind of invention, if you will.

Everything in this world has a dark and a bright side. Anything is totally good or bad.
Even when we can't see dark side, it is still there and real. 

Everything is a process, not towards perfection, instead of towards happiness and fulfilling.

This is my personal opinion, based on experience about positive affirmations practice.
Hope it helps you, especially if you're experiencing the same struggles after a positive affirmation practicing.
If you had set your phrase-formula and you're practicing this popular technique but nothing seems to change, I just wanna say you: "You're not wrong, the formula doesn't matter and your energy is perfectly aligned with the Universe. But your way is being yourself, not what other people wants from you or pre-set package."


If you wanna grow you need to be focused on your own values and raising them by staying consistent, learning new skills and trusting the process.
Every transformation is a journey and what you'll meet is a mystery. However, you're a miracle generator, never forget that.


All Love,


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  • Regina: November 16, 2019

    This article was VERY helpful to me. I have been feeling stuck, and just as you stated…all the positive affirmations were giving me anxiety because I didn’t believe them. Going to my core beliefs is what I need to do. Thank you so much!

  • FRANCESCA MANCINI: October 22, 2018

    <Hi Rhiannon, I’m so glad this article was helpful for you :) Thank you so much for sharing your heart! All Love and scented vibes from Milan!

  • Rhiannon Day: October 22, 2018

    I love this article so much! Such an important distinction about affirmations. Done correctly, they can actually be harmful! I love how well you’ve explained how to do them and the added video was interesting too. Thanks for sharing!

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